So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
