We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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