i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
