and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
