i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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