White coat. Heels.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
