Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
