Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
