I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
