apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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