Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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