I want to stick my p in your. b.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
