Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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