Can i not drive my cunt home
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize