mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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