I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
