I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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