i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize