you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i now understand why vodka
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
