i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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