I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
