do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
