I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
