this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
