I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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