i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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