Are we in a gay sports bar?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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