yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize