Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
