Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
