if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
