So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
