I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
