he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
