Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
