I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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