why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize