Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
