He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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