Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
