He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
