I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize