I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Vodka?
Forever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
