Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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