you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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