So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
