I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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