I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When are your genitals available?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
