I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize