Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
