I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
