bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
