I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina is officially offended.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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