I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize