Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
