Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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