someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
