I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
