Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
