I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
