Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
