i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
