CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
