September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want nice things and good sex
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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