if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
