dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I supernannyed him into submission
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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