making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
