so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i believe in u and ur pee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
